im so so tired, so tired, but for what? i look back on a day and i really haven't accomplished anything worthwhile, which is espiecially bad right now because my first exams on thursday and its my weakest subject and its going to horrible. i spent ages working on this practise essay the othernight for it and when i showed my teacher she gave it back with some terrible mark on it, so now i dont care anymore, well ill pretend that i dont and silently stress and bite my nails until thursday is good and over. i haven't got a letter from RMIT yet which is really stressful and its making me really feel like shit, because theres only a couple more days in which i could recieve one and if i dont its my first preference and ill proabbly cry alot and then give up. which is bad and stupid because theres plenty of other courses and ways to et into this course through tafe and things, but yeah fuckfuckshitfuck. i also make terrible decisions and im really rude to alot of people who dont deserve it, and boy who probably hates me right now, because im a brat. i keep having dreams that laura and kate decide not to move out with me and im stuck a home forever and linda and the kids move in and shit that would be hell on a stick. i like my mum she gave me a navigator thing and a nice card to "help guide me". shes a good guy. im getting a job at a kitchen hand around the corner from where i live at a restaurant thats opening up, which will be hell but im looking forward to finally making my own money. my stomach feels so sick with nerves at the moment and i cant sleep. carl was in my dream last night, but i cant remember the details, which really doesnt matter. i just like waking up feeling as though ive spent some time with him. my mum bought a house, we've never owned a house. but ill be moved out before they move in, but im glad about that because its on geelong rd! of all places to buy a house, basicially the busyiest street in footscray. what a mad women. with my first pay check i think ill buy a mouse and name it rupert and spend all my time making miniature clothing for the little guy, yes thats what ill do for the rest of my life if i dont get into rmit, and even when it dies after 3 years or however long ill still dress it, whilst its dead....but probably not because i think that would be a little creepy and unhygenic.